Q. My parents are paying for our wedding. We have no other family, and only a few friends of mine from work will be invited. My parents have agreed to host 100 wedding guests at a seated-dinner wedding reception with an open bar at a very nice hotel. However, both my fiance and his parents are having a fit because they want to invite more guests than that. I feel this is very unfair and I wonder how this can be resolved. My fiance will not accept limitations!
A. Clearly you’re right, and your groom and his parents are being unreasonable (and a bit ungrateful). But how to handle it without causing a major blowout? This is your future husband and in-laws, after all. You need to confront them calmly about this. Simply explain the facts: Your parents have volunteered to foot the bill for 100 guests, a majority of whom will not be people they know. You can’t ask them for any more than they are already giving — nor should you. If your fiance and his family want to invite more guests, tell them they’re more than welcome to do so, as long as they are also willing to contribute the money to cover those guests for the reception. End of story. It’s difficult to imagine what kind of rational argument they could make against that. The key is that if you’re calm and rational, they will feel silly not being calm and rational about the situation. It’s all in the way you present it.
Official confrontation aside, it sounds like you need to have a good talk with your man too. Find out why he doesn’t understand that your parents are generous people but don’t have bottomless pockets. This misunderstanding could be a sign of very different attitudes toward money matters — which isn’t the end of the world, but it’s definitely an issue that will come up in your marriage. The sooner you can resolve this stuff between the two of you, the better off you’ll be. Good luck!